In the hustle of the daily grind, it's easy to forget that Mother Earth has her own agenda. I had the intention of spending much of my mini-vacation soaking up some good 'ole vitamin D down by the pool. However, Mama had other plans. >_< She's given us thunderstorms everyday, so instead, I'm spending these precious hours pouring creation onto canvas in the cool quiet of our office while the rain hits the hot earth outside, creating the sticky southern heat the bayous of Louisiana are infamous for.

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I've started remembering my dreams again. I always take my inability to remember as a sign that my life has become too busy. I have felt for weeks now, that life's pace is picking up at record speed and I don't believe it will change any time soon. The compression of time that our planet is experiencing is a beautiful blessing, though most of the time, it can feel like a curse. Hah! These tumultuous times are bursting with knowledge, with experience, with love. Every moment is an opportunity to choose love or fear. When I begin to let the flow of daily life direct my actions without remaining the conscious conductor of this earthly vessel, I see the ramifications more immediately than I ever have before.

Lately, it seems that in no less that a few hours upon waking, every moment of my day has been accounted for, which is, all at once, both energizing and exhausting. New avenues of experience present themselves everyday and the more open and balanced channel I become, the more I attract to myself opportunities to put forth my expression of the radiant light that is present in every single one of us two-leggeds. However, as tempting as all these opportunities are, I've taken for granted my body's need to rest, re-center, and realign. I've tried to squeeze so much into the 24 hours we are given each day that I've deafened my ability to hear the sound of my paramātman, my higher self.

"Only put off until tomorrow that which you are willing to die having left undone." - Picasso

Can I put off my 9-5 and still get paid please?? That'd be a big help. :P I have spent a great many hours this weekend catching a few zzz's wherever my body happens to find a comfortable spot. The boy actually found me curled up under my desk last night with both kitties snuggled close. Haha! He got a big kick out of that one. The much needed rest has helped get me back to center. I feel better than I have in weeks! [Aside from the slight food hangover from all the holiday junk the past couple of days.] This weekend was most certainly a reminder of how things have changed. Outgrown habits, stagnant relationships - guess I needed a swift kick in the pants to bring my attention back to the present progression of my life and provide confirmation that I am headed in the right direction.

So, I'm not exactly sure what is summer is going to bring, but I'm excited to find out. I'm focusing on keeping in touch with my creative energies by painting more, procrastinating less, being the boy's graphic designer/photographer for his new online business, writing so as not to forget my story, integrating mindful choices in all my "un"cooking adventures, meditating [constantly] and being open to whatever life will bring. I've also found a local shaman womyn who is taking apprentices, so I am super curious/excited about that!

Peace + Light

Release it all so love may engulf our hearts.

I guess this was the final fear I had to face... All others I've been working on as of late have suddenly fallen away. Everything is so clear and believe it our not, my heart is so swollen with love that I can do nothing but weep; love for you, love for us, love for this life and all life!

I am grateful, though, for the lesson - I now know with all of my heart what it means to exist solely in the present moment for I could choose to deny the lesson I know I must learn, or I can accept it and release all hopes and dreams and expectations and simply love with all of my heart in every moment. Needless to say, I've chosen the latter.

What will be, will be, but I will be loving you always.

I feel surprisingly light.

The beauty that emerges from despair is one of the most precious gifts I have ever felt. I must accept that despair is a part of this reality from time to time, and as they say, this too shall pass. I am doing my best to be a conscious witness to this life, to observe from a place higher than my physical self, my mind, my ego. I have to say, it is getting easier - just as he said it would. The pain is as great as ever, but learning from the experience rather than laying down and surrendering my heart to it all, is becoming easier.

Believe it or not, I do thank you for this experience.